Since it is basically impossible to separate the "baby-related experiences" from the "rest of my life," I'm temporarily using my main blog site to talk about new momhood. When things calm down, I plan to go back to the 2 blog system, but for now, visit me at AAYOR.

Still here... still waiting... still freaking out....

We're doing ok. Freaking out, of course, since we're inside one week of our due date. We had our tour of the birthing center on Tuesday afternoon. It was great--the place is really nice and the nurses are awesome. Our doula came with and she did her "interview" about what our expectations are, etc., and that was really interesting. I made Spouse answer everything first so that he didnt just say "yah, me, too" to everything. I loved hearing what he said about what he wants to happen, what he doesnt, what he's worried about, etc. He's starting to get so excited. I love that.

I was supposed to be finished with work yesterday (although I still have to file my final grades) but I have to pop in this afternoon for a quick meeting with my Chair re: mat leave and stopping my tenure clock. I have no idea what he wants now... we settled all of it a while ago. He gave me 8 weeks. If I have the kid soon, it will be more like 10 since my start date is technically Jan 1, but so far we've no signs of "progress." Anyway, Chair just emailed and said "When you have a minute, drop in..." so I have no idea what this is about....

I'm becoming a paranoid wreck lately. I'm trying not to worry about things that I can not control, such as the length of labor, the amount of pain, whether or not the baby is ok, etc., but I think I will have to completely stop reading anything baby/labor/delivery related to facilitate that. Last night I read the updated "what's up with your baby during week 39" on babycenter.com and the part about "Your practitioner may have you count fetal movements. Even if you aren't asked to formally count movements, call her immediately if you notice a decrease in your baby's activity. Your baby should remain as active as ever right up to delivery, and a decrease in activity could be a sign of a problem — meaning that you need to deliver now rather than later."
What does this mean?? Seriously... I've been freaking out ALL MORNING because he's not moving around much, but does he ever move around a lot in the AMs? Sometimes... but not all mornings. I'm usually too busy to notice patterns. When do I call? Should I torture him by drinking lots of cold water to get him to move around? Should I worry that there is something wrong becaue he's NOT poking me over and over again in the same exact spot like he did 2 days ago? GAH! Fucking BabyCenter. I'm going to lose it soon....

Our last appt (Mon) was interesting. I measured ahead--43cm (this is the one that they do with a tape measure to measure the size of your uterus and the #cms=#weeks you are). Anyway, the midwife was like... "Whoa... you are suddenly huge... and you hadnt gained any weight in 3 weeks but you gained 3lbs in a week..." He ordered ANOTHER ultrasound to check on size. He said that if for some reason the baby is OVER TEN LBS we would start talking c-section. I was like... "Um... yeah.... WTF? What causes a 10 lb baby?" He said, "Mostly diabetes..." and I said, "I'm not diabetic. And all of my gestational diabetes screens came back negative." He said, "i know... Its actually very unlikely that your baby is that big but I want to be sure." He said that I could be measuring so big because the baby is sitting really high. He is still way up under my ribs and that can cause the uterus to expand out even more--hence the big measurement. The estimate from a month ago was 5.5-6lbs and there is just no way in hell he grew 4 lbs in a month.... Plus, Spouse and I were under 7lbs when we were born, and they say that is the best predictor anyway, barring factors like diabetes.

So, we probably wont know anything tomorrow since our u/s tech is very stingy with info ("I dont read them, I just take the pictures..."). I suspect that if there is an issue, we'll get a call tomorrow afternoon and they will want to either induce me or talk c-section ASAP. In all likelihood, we'll talk about it on Monday, he'll tell us how big the baby is (prob more like 7 or 7.5 lbs, I hope), and we'll go back to waiting....

Oh, the joys of waiting!

I wish I knew when he was coming so I could plan around it! If I knew I had until after Christmas, for example, I'd plan to do a few more things. Keep your fingers crossed that he comes before or after Christmas, though, and not ON it. Poor boy. It would be such a bummer to share your bday with the Lord.

Ready, but not ready....

This hormone-surge thing is KILLING me. I am a terribly unemotional person generally speaking and I do not regularly lose my shit. But for the past 2 weeks or so (ok, off and on for 7 months) I've been a basket case. I flew into a rage when Spouse asked me how far from the ground he should mount the paper holder in the new bathroom. This is neither a joke nor an exaggeration... I'm insane. I also lost it last night because my feet hurt. And when I say "lost it" I mean I sobbed like a child for ten minutes. I was standing in the kitchen finishing dinner prep and Spouse was in the living room watching a football game. He'd just finished plumbing in the bathroom and took a quick shower, so he was beat. I, on the other hand, had spent the day cleaning, doing laundry, and making a far-too-complicated-for-nine-months-pregnant dinner and I was fucking exhausted. As I shuffled around the kitchen my feet became increasingly unhappy and I broke down. Spouse, thinking I had certainly scalded myself or cut off a finger came running in. Imagine his surprise when he discovered that it was just crazy hormone lady again.

In my defense, my feet DID ache. Last few weeks of pregnancy can make your body do seriously fucked up things—such as when your feet swell to 2-3 times their normal size in a matter of hours and stay that way for days. Yeah, I’m down to one pair of shoes that I can wear and they are clogs. That should be fun in the snow tomorrow. [Actually, as I peek at them now they’re looking closer to normal. May be able to squeeze into boots after all].

So, I’m ready to get rid of the indications of pregnancy—the weight gain, the mood swings, the nightmares, the general ungainliness. But I’m not necessarily ready for the bambino to arrive. Sure, I’m ready to meet him; I’m sure he’s a cool kid. But actually bring home an infant child who wakes every 2 hours demanding to attach himself to my body…?

Not so much….

Sigh. The beauty of this paradox is that like it or not, he’s coming, so what I think/feel about it is largely irrelevant.

The bonus is that I finally get to SEE him in all of these cute little outfits (including the giganto box of gently used clothes that my sister sent to us. Oy! I didn’t need to shop at all!)

WE HAVE A DOULA!!

I'm freaking out....

The childbirth class that we took a few weeks ago was sponsored by a mentor/doula program in the area. Women who deliver at several area hospitals are automatically matched with a doula--free of charge--and the only expectation is that the couple will provide feedback to the program after the birth. Unfortunately, the hospital that we are delivering at does not participate in the free doula program, so we were really disappointed to be excluded during the class as our teacher talked on about the labor support program.

The teacher pulled us aside during Day 2 and suggested that she may be able to find a doula willing to travel to our hospital anyway and to let her know if we wanted her to find out. After we left the class, Spouse was adamant about having a doula.... I think that he wants to be useful during labor and he feels that a doula will help him know what to do to help me. He's scared--just like I am--and the thought of having a doula reduces some of that anxiety. "Spare no expense" was his attitude even after I told him that we could expect to pay $1-2k for a the service! I have a PhD advisee who is a doula, actually, and he really wanted me to hire her because she is someone that we know and trust. I had real reservations about bringing one of my advisees into the labor room with me--I couldnt imagine being that vulnerable and "exposed" (literally and figuratively) in front of a student.

I called our childbirth teacher yesterday to follow up on whether or not she had anyone in mind who could travel to our hospital during our labor. She called back yesterday and left 2 long messages (one at my office, one at home) suggesting that SHE WOULD LIKE TO VOLUNTEER for our birth!!!!!! So, the Head of the doula/mentor program--the woman who teaches others to be doulas--is going to be ours!!

Needless to say, we are thrilled beyond belief. Working out the details now....

Only 34 shopping days until...

HOLY CRAP. ONLY 34 DAYS?!

I wish I hadnt done the math... I'm SO not ready. At minimum, I still need:

1. Bassinet sheets
   
2. Baby washcloths and towels
3. Baby shampoo
4. Baby soap/body wash
   
5. Baby lotion and/or oil
   
6. Diaper cream
7. DIAPERS (I think I have about 12... that should last all of 2 days... or less...)
8. Wipes
   
9. Pump
   
10. Bottles (various kinds in case he hates one of them)
11. Baby Tylenol and/or ibuprofen
12. New batteries for video and digital cameras
13. Bookcase or shelves for 50 million toys and books he's gotten already
    
14. Tiny outfit to wear for hospital picture and another tiny outfit to wear home (could choose from among the ones I have or choose something else)

And, I need to DO the following yet:

1. Finish setting up nursery (everything is en route... furniture, rug, etc.)
   
2. Choose daycare provider
3. Complete maternity leave paperwork
4. Complete tenure-clock-stoppage paperwork
5. Add kiddo to health insurance (note: called and found out he's covered for the first 30 days automatically)
6. Finish revising and resubmit 2 articles
7. Grade final papers (due after T-giving holiday) and finalize grades
8. Work on several aspects of Grant that will be taking place in my absence
9. Finalize paperwork for field project that will start in my absence
10. Have fun with Spouse in anticipation of chaos when child arrives
11. Decorate for Christmas early (as in next weekend)
12. Haircut, massage, pedicure (oh, wait... that's tomorrow... :-) )
13. Breathe

*sigh* I wish I werent so. damn. tired.

Update on Test Results, etc.

BP was back down to normal. YAY! And, ALL of the test results came back normal. Thank god.

The only worrisome factoid: based on ultrasound data, the Dr estimates that the not-so-little one is nearly SIX POUNDS. We have 5 weeks to go and he could gain up to half a pound a week between now and DDay.

After I had a small stroke, the Dr. assured me (while laughing) that my child will not be 10 lbs. He estimates that he'll come in around 8.

PLEASE COME EARLY LITTLE GUY....