Six Weeks to Go and the Advice Keeps Piling Up
I'm not good at taking advice. I'm not even good at listening to advice. But the pregnant abdomen must be target-shaped because I'm getting more and more.
The pushiest advice comes from new mothers. They seem to want to alleviate any doubts they have about choices they've made by pushing them onto everyone else. Doesnt matter if it is advice about what to eat, what to wear, what to buy for the kid... I'm getting it all and in doses that I just cant stand. I appreciate wanting to "share one's wisdom" but isnt it common courtesy to wait until asked?
Here's an example (and god help me if this person finds my blog): For the past six months, someone I know has been trying to coerce me into (get this) buying her used breastpump.
Now it isnt as gross as it sounds. The pump itself does not ever come in contact with the milk. The new owner would buy new attachments, etc., and it would really just be the mechanism that was reused. HOWEVER, she has told me no less than 5 times that it would be "stupid of (me) not to buy it" or "really dumb to buy a new one when I have one you can buy." She even went so far as to check what they were going for on ebay and told me that she'd sell it for a "modest" price.
I've told her no in 5 different ways. This last time I let her know that I'd decided to go a different route she flat-out criticised me for my choice, but followed it up with "But, you have to do what you think is best...." Then, she offered to loan/sell me a bunch of additional baby crap (swing, bouncy chairs, etc.).
If it were coming from anyone else I think that I would jump at the chance to save some $ because this is costing me a fortune, but I just dont want to encourage her!! I will feel indebted to her somehow if I borrow her things and I think that the debt will just give her an excuse to continue to give unwanted advice and criticism.
Ugh.
Ive also discovered that its best not to discuss my thoughts on how long I plan to breastfeed with her (or several other women I know for that matter). For people hell-bent on wanting others to respect their choices, they are clearly NOT ready to respect mine....
posted by AAYOR @ Thursday, November 10, 2005
3 comments
3 Comments:
the deluge of advice is bad when you're pregnant but wait, just wait, unti you've got the baby right there and people actively advise not to you do what you're clearly already doing or to do what you clearly aren't doing. right now. with this child present here. as in, don't let her crawl on the floor like that. or why don't you pick her up, she's whining?
i hate to tell you this, but it only gets worst.
The worst pressure, I think, comes from breastfeeding. There's so much pressure to breastfeed exclusively that I actually cried the first time I offered formula to my little guy. I felt I was failing as a mother because I couldn't stand the pain of breastfeeding full-time and I couldn't pump enough to keep up with his demands. Now that my son is 10 weeks old, I look back on that time and feel a little silly about the tears, but the pressure was real. Here's my only advice as a new mother: do what works for your baby and keeps you sane.
I would like to encourage you not to buy a used breast pump. I do not know the type that this mama was offering but most of them are one mama only. There isn't a way to clean the motor and mold can grow in it. There are ones out there that are for rent so many mothers use them. These have a closed system where air can not get into the motor. For more information check out http://www.breastfeedingonline.com/pumps.shtml
And yes I know this advice that was not asked for :) I just wanted to give information.
Take care and good luck on your new life with baby!
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